It's been awhile....

It's been awhile I don't write a thing...Been a while I try to lay low, separate myself from the parties, friends...yeah, it's been awhile.
It's also been awhile I don't hear anything from a man I used to love...So I thought I should just write an email asking how things were going...Not a word from him,yet. Oh well, it's life. No, it's my life.
The story of my life is I meet people, we have sparks, big ones, then we part and in the end I'm the only one who still here missing them in many different ways.
I feel lonely lately...I miss that feeling having a man by my side, having someone that I can call anytime for a drink, or for a good laugh. I've always overrated the "intellectual" part, but now I'm admitting the physical part is so important to me,too.
I thought with me being separated from the social life, quietly passing time, I can find peace. But not...Now I'm falling, again,to something inappropriate, something that I can't resist...Darn it, why I'm so fixated on smart men...
God, now I'm depressed...