So today is collected day. Day that I have to help Hiro-san move out, day that i need to clean up all the shedded hair of Rin on the bed, day I have the last chance look at the living room which almost always had the 3 of us in the family.
In the last 6 months, things were crazy. Rin had been traveling from here to there, spent 1 week in south Africa, then another week, another week... I did have a feeling what if Rin never came home in night that I went out until dawn, then I stopped by to check out feverish Hiro-san sleeping in Rin's bed. I thought I would never know what to do with that delicate creature of 6' tall but very fragile.
When I picked up the phone on the day Rin gone, I knew what it was about. My hands were almost frozen, icy cold and i lost a tone or two on my voice, barely listened to Hiro-san's trembling voice. His voice was like from very faraway down to me, and yet it's like hot iron marked in my heart. He said I not to come, he said he prepared everything himself, he said he would bring Rin's ash to Kanazawa and keep it under a cherry tree; so that Rin may see the cherry blossom in his birthmonh, and Rin may see his fav Kenrokuen...And finally, he quietly told me Rin asked me to keep strong, never drift from my path, and now that Rin's gone, I may just leave all the madness behind, cut of the tie I had always detested.
Surprisingly, Hiro-san was so much more than I imagined. Finally, I was the one broken down with pressure. Only him stood tall, slowly explain his right on the marriage with Rin, talking about how Rin suffered, and said that the Kai family had nothing to confront him anf take Rin's body back. "And that's finalized everything, you all may take your leave" said Hiro-san, and that was on of rare chance I see him using his noble characteristic and language in both English and Japanese.
I need to try my best to keep all the tears not overflow whenever i saw Hiro-san after that, or whenever I see anything reminds me of Rin. We're so much alike, hiding our troublesome part of the life related to Kai family beneath our social life, hiding all the dirty party of living in such a family, trying to suppress our desire of happiness for other's well-being and struggling to resolve the puzzle of life.
And it has so much thing about Rin, as if he was my brother ever since I was born, as if he had been protecting me since my childhood, more than anyone else I have a connection before.
And it's so much pain whenever I look at the living room, as I can see Rin comfortably sat on the couch, reading a book, stretching his long legs; And I comfortably put my head on his lap, asking some questions from the book he asked me to read with too many new words make me complain; And with Hiro-san drawing something he fancied for his new collection, occasionally asked me and Rin "how is this?", and it turned out that was a Poodle dog with weird grooming. And we laughed.
We laughed so hard that the laugh still echos in the room, lingers in the air, soundly repeated in the ears...til forever.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
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